Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

A man without a name is but a ghost,
passing through the world unnoticed.
His deeds, regardless of their greatness,
will be dissipated in the breeze
or attached to the name of another;
for he has no name of his own
to remember him by.
- Sami Pyorre

Names are funny things. Everybody has at least one, some have a couple and some greedy buggers have 3 or more First names. Then there are Last names - most only have one of them, some have double-barrel ones and if you're lucky you won't have to spend your entire life spelling the damned thing/s every time someone needs to write it down.

I have two perfectly ordiinary first names and one perfectly ordinary last name. My daughter has 3 perfectly ordinary first names and my son has two of the same, but they are cursed with a last name that almost no one can write accurately, even when you spell it out for them. It's so bad, that at 10 Ads stiill can't spell it, doesn't even really want to try. I don't blame him.

We are a pretty boring lot in the application of our family naming conventions. No one has a stupid one, or a stupid spelling of an ordinary name. Even most of the last names in our extended family are reasonably ordinary and easy to cope with. But I really can't get with the modern naming bullshit where people just have to give their kids some outlandish name that they will spend their whole life spelling for other people (once they can finally do it themself) and think that this is a neat way to mark their children as "special". The only thing "special" about it is the poor kids grow up with a huge complex based on their own individuality, marked by their peers as "different" or "weird" simply because Mum or Dad had had too many rums and an overweening idea of creating an immortal posterity when they chose the poor little bugger's name. And even though most people don't like and wouldn't choose their name for themselves, at least none of us have a complex about being called what we are.

Apparently, the names we are given help shape our personalities, and therefore our lives. Old Sigmund Freud new this, amongst other things and used to focus on a patient's name in the first consultation. I guess that makes sense when you consider that nearly every name (except for the drug induced, made up on the spot names) actually has a meaning. So, if you have ever wondered what your name actually means, click HERE and see. For example, mine;
ALISON
Gender: Female
Root: ALICE
Origin: English
Meaning: Truth, Noble

How we view other people's names is important, too. Some names roll off the tongue and look as nice as they sound, like Hannah or Madeline. And then there are other names that you might not want to be caught dead carrying, like Gertrude or Winifred. I guess it's all personal preference, when it comes down to it.

Another thing that amuses me is how often more than one person turns up in your life, becomes an integral part of it, carrying the same name, especially men, and they aren't always the more run of the mill ones like Mark or Mike (although there have been a few of them come and gone over the years in various capacities). Most of them have been good, decent people. Except people called Dave. Pretty much every Dave I have ever met, bar one, has been a complete asshole.

But hey, it makes weeding them out that much faster...

Indian Humour
One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside the birthing teepee and name the baby after the first thing he sees... that's why your sister is called Little White Dove and your Brother is called Running Bear.
Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

~~ Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been." ~~

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Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

Well, now my birthday has passed, that means that it must be Christmas coming soon, and what better gift to give that loved one at Christmas than a Musical Condom. I bet you thought I was kidding a few posts back when I said I was going to write about these, didn't ya? Go on, fess up, you didn't think even I had such execrable taste, did you.... hehe, wrong answer!

The blurb on these babies says, and I quote - "Musical Condoms have a music module inside. They react to pressure. One of the benefits from these condoms is they make the penis longer." Longer? Hell, a couple of these look positively eye-watering, especially the Bull, the Pig and the Cake ones.

But wait, there's more....

There are all sorts of weird and wacky (and a whack is what you might get if you bring some of these near me) ones on this site - Hares, Bananas, Cocks (the poultry kind, thanks), Elephants, Fool (gotta be to put this one on, I reckon!), Zodiac Signs, Swans and Hedgehogs (careful you don't make a prick of yourself in one of those!) and then there are the glow-in-the-dark ones... I mean, really, like you need to see where you are going once you have it on or what?? Maybe it's the Virgins Version...

Of course, you could always try the Vibrating Monkey one, if you are up to it...

I was gonna say "fuck me" but then I thought the better of it. I really wanna see Mr Sez model the Christmas Tree one, though. I'm a sick bitch like that :-)

Simon Sez:
The cops raided a 3 storey apartment building.
The cops going in on the ground floor found a bunch of homos all going at it.
The cops helicoptering in at the top floor found a bunch of lesbians going at it.
And when they all met at the middle floor, they found a man with his dick in a bowl of custard.
They asked him "what the hell are you doing?"
He said "There are homos below me, lesbians above me ...i'm fuckin' dis-custard!

~~ Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. ~~

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