Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

I am good, in fact I am better than good; I am bloody marvellous!

I have packed all the kids gear for camp and I have 36 hours to spare.

I'm better than bloody marvellous, I am fucking Gorgeous... well, I might be when he gets here hehe hehehe.

I really shouldn't blog with beer in me, should I...?

I got a joke for you, it's funny so laugh, ok?

The Umbrella Joke.
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly.

~~ Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore. ~~

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Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

I was trying to comb the cats yesterday as part of our "Be Free of the Flea 2004" campaign and I was stuggling horribly with all those furry curves and non-flat areas (not to mention the claws digging into my leg and arm) and it got me thinking about a range of designer cats that you could order which would allow you to choose the size, shape and protruberances of your new feline Fuhrer.

Something like the Bonsai Kitten perhaps...Hey, they do it overseas with watermelons to make them easy to stack... why not cats? It's a really neat idea!

Or, maybe one each of these to carry them around instead ... and look, they are made especially for ginger cats! I tried to order 2 but they were out of stock and awaiting a new shipment.



Seriously... either idea would make combing and brushing a lot less stressful for me. And that's all that really matters, isn't it?

~~ So many cat's, so few recipes ~~

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Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

I want a bigger demesne.

In fact, I want a really BIG one. I want a huge, wooded acreage, just for us, with a huge castle on it with a moat and a drawbridge, spires piercing the sky and crenellated battlements, set high on a clifftop overlooking a rough and forbidding ocean.

I think I could run away and hide from the World quite happily, there.

Mind you, I might be just as happy in a vast, dark and cool, rambling Hobbit hole, hidden away from the view of passersby, safe from the vagaries of weather (unless it was dug into low lying land) with pretty gardens outside the windows and a big round front door. Something even Bilbo would be proud of. Hell, I could even have a few alpacas grazing quietly around the place to keep me company.

I really dig alpacas.

I sort of have CRAFT disease, at the moment. You know CRAFT? "Can't Remember A F*****g Thing". My brain went potty on me, it's the heat. I sleep a lot in the daytime and have all these dreams that I can remember quite well, even though they are boring, yet I wake up in the morning and I just KNOW that I had an exciting dream last night but I can't remember it.

Bugger, I hate that...

I was driving home through the back road the other day, a road I know fairly well now. But do you think I could remember the corners and the road and get a single line through a corner right? Like Hell I could. Chris Amon I ain't.

Bugger, gotta hate that, too...

Mind you, last week I drove that way very late in the night with a big, full moon and glittering stars and no one on the road but me (and the drunk bastard that nearly took me out), window down, stereo pumping... it was all good.

Gotta really love that (not the drunk bastard)...

A body could forget that the World exists, just for a short while, hmmm?

Simon Sez:
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and
emptying them into his dustcart lorry. He gets to one house where the
bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it (unusual I know),
goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door.
There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke
answers...

"Harro", says the jappy chappy.

"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman

"I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.

Realising the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and
says

"No mate, where's ya dust bin?"

"I dust bin on toilet I told you" says the Japanese man

"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me...Where's your
wheely bin?"

"OK, OK" , says the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank"

~~ I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - worst 15 minutes of my life ~~

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Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned... it has been 13 days since I last blogged... not since last year, even.

Shocking.

You know, this blogging stuff isn't easy. It takes committment, dedication, motivation and inspiration. It takes a Muse... and at the moment I'm having trouble staying amused for more than 5 minutes at a time. People With Multiple Sclerosis (PWMS) are not known for possessing a great deal of any of these attributes during the hot weather. And its too bloody hot everywhere at the moment.

I don't like the hot weather. It doesn't like me very much, either. I think I might go somewhere cool and quiet and hibernate for a few months. I hear the Antarctic is lovely this time of year.

Here is Heather with one of Nushie's babies...click the pic to see more :-)



~~ I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. ~~

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