Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

A University mortuary student walked into the mortuary where a body was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body.
When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard Swing Low, Sweet Chariot song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into its original resting place.

He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!!"

Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."

When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.

Upon hearing Swing Low Sweet Chariot, he quickly replaced the cork and said, "What's so surprising about that?
I've heard thousands of arseholes sing that song!"

~~ I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. ~~

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Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

A man without a name is but a ghost,
passing through the world unnoticed.
His deeds, regardless of their greatness,
will be dissipated in the breeze
or attached to the name of another;
for he has no name of his own
to remember him by.
- Sami Pyorre

Names are funny things. Everybody has at least one, some have a couple and some greedy buggers have 3 or more First names. Then there are Last names - most only have one of them, some have double-barrel ones and if you're lucky you won't have to spend your entire life spelling the damned thing/s every time someone needs to write it down.

I have two perfectly ordiinary first names and one perfectly ordinary last name. My daughter has 3 perfectly ordinary first names and my son has two of the same, but they are cursed with a last name that almost no one can write accurately, even when you spell it out for them. It's so bad, that at 10 Ads stiill can't spell it, doesn't even really want to try. I don't blame him.

We are a pretty boring lot in the application of our family naming conventions. No one has a stupid one, or a stupid spelling of an ordinary name. Even most of the last names in our extended family are reasonably ordinary and easy to cope with. But I really can't get with the modern naming bullshit where people just have to give their kids some outlandish name that they will spend their whole life spelling for other people (once they can finally do it themself) and think that this is a neat way to mark their children as "special". The only thing "special" about it is the poor kids grow up with a huge complex based on their own individuality, marked by their peers as "different" or "weird" simply because Mum or Dad had had too many rums and an overweening idea of creating an immortal posterity when they chose the poor little bugger's name. And even though most people don't like and wouldn't choose their name for themselves, at least none of us have a complex about being called what we are.

Apparently, the names we are given help shape our personalities, and therefore our lives. Old Sigmund Freud new this, amongst other things and used to focus on a patient's name in the first consultation. I guess that makes sense when you consider that nearly every name (except for the drug induced, made up on the spot names) actually has a meaning. So, if you have ever wondered what your name actually means, click HERE and see. For example, mine;
ALISON
Gender: Female
Root: ALICE
Origin: English
Meaning: Truth, Noble

How we view other people's names is important, too. Some names roll off the tongue and look as nice as they sound, like Hannah or Madeline. And then there are other names that you might not want to be caught dead carrying, like Gertrude or Winifred. I guess it's all personal preference, when it comes down to it.

Another thing that amuses me is how often more than one person turns up in your life, becomes an integral part of it, carrying the same name, especially men, and they aren't always the more run of the mill ones like Mark or Mike (although there have been a few of them come and gone over the years in various capacities). Most of them have been good, decent people. Except people called Dave. Pretty much every Dave I have ever met, bar one, has been a complete asshole.

But hey, it makes weeding them out that much faster...

Indian Humour
One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside the birthing teepee and name the baby after the first thing he sees... that's why your sister is called Little White Dove and your Brother is called Running Bear.
Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

~~ Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been." ~~

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